a few words about Tina's Bowling career

When asked to share publically my bowling experience I had mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was flattered and humbled that anyone was interested in my athletically challenged on-lane viewpoint as well as my writing’s idiosyncratic, macabre sense of humor. On the other hand, I had reservations; could I consistently keep readers entertained?

After consulting with my advisors, the verdict was unanimous. Their direct quotes to me, “ruff, bark, bark, ruff, bark,” pause for a real-time synchronized tongue bath, “ruff, ruff, bark!” How could I reject such an intellectual evaluation!

I contemplated listing my thirty-five years of credentials on the lanes as well as 5,145 days spent as a Center Manager, but to me, that would be utterly boring. If it’s uninteresting to me then I’m sure my readers would find it excruciating and opt instead for a numb less root canal. Thus, I thought it would be interesting to share ten things about me in an imaginative and humor filled way. I hope you enjoy.

• If, for whatever reason, an article doesn’t appear the first week of each month then please contact your local Congress man/woman. Why? Because I am likely being held at the underground base at Area 51 in a section called S-4 because of my investigative reporting.

• I owe my bowling aptitude to a faction of aliens who felt the need, during one of my abductions, to implant the bowling genetic material into my DNA. This gene has given me the skills to bowl with my left hand thus a distinct advantage over the subspecies known as right-handers.

• I exclusively throw Storm Bowling equipment, not because I am on staff, but because they arrive with a remote and instructions; although they are in Chinese. Batteries not included.

• I’m a devoted runner, but not for the reason you would presume. My goal is to be just faster than you are during the next Zombie Apocalypse.

• Be nice to me and I will be nice to you. Otherwise, I will send your name to the CIA saying you are currently hiding an extraterrestrial. In which case you will abruptly be abducted by our military, questioned relentlessly, and returned only to mysteriously die of a heart attack a week later. Conclusion, be nice to me!

• As a Virgo, my razor-sharp analytical thinking allows me the gift of meticulously boring you with details. Those that aren’t bored will find the gray matter slowly oozing from every orifice in their cranium in an attempt to flee the overload.

• In 2008, I moved to Vegas, escaping over-casted, frigid, and downright arctic living conditions. I have since thawed, and replaced my stylistic Eskimo attire with SP 4000.

• I write as I bowl; on the edge, by way of hypersonic speed, with the lack less emotion of a Grey and the sexual frustration of a stay-at-home mom unable to break away from the spin cycle of life.

• My favorite quote from a coach, “You’re only as good as your last set, last game, and last ball!” Translation: I’ve seen better execution from a skunk on a skateboard hitting the half pike in the midst of a 9.1 earthquake.

• I was a townie from Taxachusetts and, subject to debate, we are not all Massholes. I still enjoy a good lobstah, chowdah, grinda, and frappe, but you will never catch me at the packie. I’m wicked excited to share my bowling insight with you. It’s gonna be pissa!

I look forward to sharing my bowling insights and stories through a unique, optimistically entertaining, point of view. Come back soon for my first story, The Modern Day Conspiracy of Why I Didn’t Win, as we dwell into the world of new age bowling excuses. Follow me on Facebook by clicking here

New Brunswick Equipment

1.

Absolute Nirvana
The Absolute Nirvana combines the Nirvana Ultra Low RG core with our new ECS Hook coverstock to produce strong mid lane traction with outstanding continuation through the pins on heavy oil lane conditions.

2.

Fanatic
The purple/light blue Fanatic features the I-Block Symmetric core matched with the new Relativity V coverstock to provide outstanding all-purpose ball motion.

3.

Mastermind Strategy

The Mastermind Strategy combines the Relativity Solid Reactive coverstock with the Modified Mastermind Asymmetric core for a ball motion that is very similar to the proven performance of the original Mastermind.